Sunday, January 13, 2013

New Year, New Goals.

The greenhouse is almost completed. The Black Nightshade is doing so well that I'm prepared to grow some Atropa Belladonna, or Enchanter's Nightshade... Without some of the plaguing fears I once had. The first batch of a conservative, but slightly toxic (read: most likely intoxicating) Flying Potion batch is ready for field tests.

It has been a strange couple of years for me here in Sac. I've alternated between low and been propelled into feats of ecstasy that would've scared the crap out of me when I was younger. I've tried to normalize my approach to certain things, and found boons in places I never thought to look. I've found old alliances still intact, and new prospects for the future.

And I've mostly had a blast, despite the bitterness that a Saturn Return can bring.

Despite the many times that I've slacked off – and I am perpetually hyper-aware of them – I've found myself altering both my life and outlook in ways that even a few years ago seemed outlandish.

And yet... I'm just not done. Sometimes a weariness creeps in, and I just want to rest. But often I find that these stages are transitory, and there's always something new or a different take on something old to consider. The closer I get to some of the goals I set years ago, the more I feel prepared to voyage into different vistas and experience things again.

Three things come to mind:
  1. I need to avoid mocking certain... people, uh, more. It's a waste of time, and they never really get it anyway.
  2. Nothing is ever easy, or safe. And who would want that anyway? Not I, said the Faust.
  3. Nothing is new under the sun. Striving for the 'next big thing' is the biggest stumbling block of both myself and my generation. At least in my opinion. It's always the next book, or the next magical technique, or... Whatever. Meanwhile, we possess the tools to both live and act in accordance with our own unique path, and to find the answers to the questions which vex us as well as the possibilities that elude us.

I don't know. That last one sounds a bit, uh, saccharine to me. But whatever.

The ride has been worth it. Each boon, each possibility, each change has been worth it.

Fuck the rest. I'll hunt down monsters on another day, when I'm less intoxicated and less joyful over what I get to see and do at the present moment. This is too nice to waste.

In the meantime, I have a few things to share on the blog in the weeks to come.

Be seeing you,
Jack.


3 comments:

Rex said...

One of the most inspiring posts I read today! A brother that exemplifies the meaning of surviving "the dark night of the soul". I'm so very honored that Katherine introduced me to you Jack. I wish you nothing but the best this year. And let me (us) know how that batch turns out alright?

Mr VI said...

*chuckles* It was the same for me during my Return

Harold Roth said...

I don't think 3 was saccharine. I've found it to be truth for me very much in the past couple years. Lately I am finding that the things that were important to me when I was 18 years old--art, music, magic--are now, at 59, doubly important. I read something once by someone who got kicked out of Temple of Set about the Egyptian view of time--that it's a spiral and we come back to the same place but higher up on the spiral. I have often thought of that and have felt it in my life, especially now. Anyway, good luck on your flight.