Wednesday, October 5, 2011

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(It is October, which means that I have to get all B-Movie and intentionally freak people the fuck out. Over-the-Top-Occultism, with a motherfucking vengeance.)

Peruvian Moche Funeral Mask
The Handfish


Yes, this fish scuttles across the ocean floor... On its hands.

I mean, it may very well be that the species we once were - when our atavistic predecessors crawled out of the sea and into the primeval world - was just like that fish.

And that in distant aeons, that species of fish will crawl upon the land and birth a new race, to inherit our long forgotten planet, long after humanity is ash and memory.

Do you think they dream yet, in the deeps? Or does that happen later?

***

[x2] Years ago, I had a friend who took some Salvia Divinorum in an attempt to figure out what, exactly, was wrong with his life. After some probing, he finally revealed that the drug had given him a vision, in which he met a spirit - looking somewhat, he stated, like an elf - who had told him that the problems he was having revolved around not having performed a Rite of Passage ritual.

Lacking any type of spiritual leader, he determined that he'd do what his ancestors had done - fish.

So, to make himself a man, he joined an Alaskan fishing vessel and spent the summer learning the fine art of modern fishing.

He admitted, upon his return, that for the most part he didn't feel more manly as a result of his self-made rite of passage, but that he did feel changed after a certain point. He told us that one night - it was getting late, and with the darkness gathered a quick storm, and they were worried about being stuck in such a sudden storm. So they were pulling, quite furiously, the nets up. As they pulled one of the last nets that they'd dropped, one of his fellow fishermen cried out. He'd been struck on the thigh by a poisonous spine from a fish. They removed, quickly the spine, and sent the fellow to sit down and rest until they reached shore. But they also probed the net for fish, and as they did the assailing species came to light.

It was, my friend said, a mottled gray color and spines covered the thing. He insisted that he could find no discernable place for eyes, and that it didn't even really look like a fish at all. As he gazed upon it, one of the older men came up and told him it was either a good omen, or a bad omen - but they wouldn't know which until they got back to the shore.

What is it, my friend asked? The older fisherman at first only shook his head, refusing to even name the thing. He'd seen things like it, he said, but he didn't think they were fish.

Well, my friend asked, what else would it be? It didn't look like a serpent, or any sort of jellyfish.

No, no, the older fishman told him, that thing aint even real. It's the spawn of the nightmares of children, which take root in the deep.

My friend said that he was seized by something, and that he immediately grabbed a near by knife and struck the thing, careful not to get hit by the spines. Then - when he was sure it was dead - he took three of the spines from and put them in a secret place. He told me that he was sure it was the fulfillment of his personal Rite of Passage, and that he'd slain the result of his childhood nightmares and became a man.

He said he'd kept the spines as a trophy. Like any sensible soul, I advised him to get rid of them. For all he knows they have some sort've crazy neurotoxin on them that will kill an elephant in ten minutes or something...

[EDIT]: Many thanks to Mr. King for the original link and his many praises to our Lord of Many Tentacles and Psyche Destroying Menace. (IA, IA--!)

3 comments:

petoskystone said...

liking the handfish, a lot. wonder if they can are as curious, occasionally malicious, as some cephalopods.

Gordon said...

Hmm. I had a similar drug-based encounter (ecstasy) when I was 21, with a similar message, that led me to move to New Zealand. Except my messenger described itself as a "nature angel". (Semantics?)

Interesting.

Didn't end in quite so Lovecraftian a way, unfortunately. Sidebar: awesome, awesome anecdote. Cthulhu is totally in the Pacific.

Alex said...

Hah! I was going to suggest it was the lovechild of Dagon and a handfish.

Very cool story.