Monday, July 5, 2010

Chemical Wedding

It has been alleged that I wrote the screenplay for the not-quite-so-recent Chemical Wedding, titled Crowley in the US. (You can stream it online with Netflix, and find it in the Horror section... In the – you guessed it! – Satanic Stories subcategory...) Mostly because it had Cybertronic Virtual Crowley, sex, and (why doesn't this surprise me?) golden showers.

Thankfully: I did not write that screenplay. Although I can easily imagine a writing a screenplay that might end up mangled beyond all belief into roughly the same film. It fills me with dread, and helps me renew my commitment to writing in Pulp-tastic blogs.

Anyway. I tried to watch the film. And at first, I almost enjoyed it. It had a purple pimp suit (I know, you're shocked), Crowley-Space/VR/Whatever. Cue sex scene with Red Haired Woman. Cue scene leading to the Murder of a Prostitute. (Wait, what?) Head into the Rites of Eleusis... Ah, that's right. Golden Showers.

So. Maybe I'll finish it later. Or not. Semi-final judgment: Thelemites will be vindicated in knowing that the Crowley-wannabe is a wannabe who's acting like he thinks Crowley would. Or something. Feminists will most likely be offended by the Entirety of the Film's contents. Most viewers will most likely feel mildly degraded. Most Metal Fans will Agree That It's Very Metal. And about an hour and a half of your life will Never Be Returned.

On the other hand, it's still better than an Uwe Boll film. My standards have considerably lowered over the years.

“Well, yes. But I've seen that.

5 comments:

Eldritch said...

Check out the Saragossa Manuscript.

Frater POS said...

Saw the film. I have owned vacuum cleaners that sucked less.

Psyche said...

After reading Dave's review I haven't been in any hurry to see it. Though I still plan to, some day.

Z. E. Accordino said...

The real question is "Did it suck more than Avatar?"

V.V.F. said...

Y'know, I think it did. At least you knew what the hell was supposed to be going on in Avatar.