Monday, March 1, 2010 Pride and Luck

What act of magick (aside from being with Nicole) are you most proud of and why?

This is going to make me sound horribly jaded, but just hear me out.

After a while you just stop being proud about most of the acts because they're almost trivial. I have a bit of pride in myself. But for some reason I don't really care about what I do with sorcery except when it comes to making it better. As long as I keep rendering out data, things I can use, as long as I keep on the synchronicity express... That's the closest to pride in the results I feel. I mean, sometimes I look back and get a bit of an ego. Except that life starts kicking me in the face whenever I believe my own made up mythology that I've provided for the world.

So there isn't really “one” event anymore. And in many cases, it wasn't always ritual or sorcery per se that got me to where I wanted, or want. Hell, I'm still not exactly where I want. I could be making more money, for example. But at a point in time where tons of people are making no money and losing their homes... Knowing that I have a stable enough income and I won't be starving is a pretty decent enough lifestyle. It may not be grand, but it gets the job done. Anyway. In some cases, it was just the synchronicity express. It was just a weird combination of patterns that ended up in something I've interpreted as meaningful. I've gotten to meet a few people I consider real Adepts, which isn't exactly rare and also is. But I can't say I “magickally” brought myself into their sphere. In both cases they noticed me because I was an extremely obnoxious Chaos Magician. A friend of mine once asked me, “how is it that you always end up arguing with Adepts?”

I'm not sure. But I manage to do it fairly easily. I've argued with John Michael Greer about Kenneth Grant over a beer, for example. And that was totally cool. But it wasn't my will. So it doesn't really count.

Which means that the most meaningful and fun events so far haven't been by my direct action, but by making myself lucky. And that's probably the most useful skill that I can occasionally exploit. It doesn't always work, but... sometimes it works all too well.

Ask me anything

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